Dr. Christi Monk

Dominate Your Market

By Leave a Comment

It’s Not Just the Casting Couch – It’s the Culture in Hollywood

Hollywood and Sexual Harassment 

It has taken me a while to gather my thoughts around the recent news of Weinstein’s sexual harassment allegations. As an expert on workplace bullying, I can no longer remain silent. Sexual harassment is a form of bullying. Bullying is not just a school yard term. It is also a workplace strategy used to get reasonable people to do unreasonable things to please the boss.

I don’t know much about the entertainment industry. What I know is many people are afraid to come forward in any form of harassment for fear of retaliation. I am sure in Hollywood this means being black-balled which translates to little to no work. Weinstein wasn’t the first to get away with sexual harassment, he just got caught.

It is disturbing to know that men have experienced the same type of sexual harassment and have remained silent. This lends itself to a bigger problem – even men are afraid to speak up. Statistics show that 94% of women who are harassed do not report it. I can only imagine the percentage of men who have and are remaining silent. It can take years to undo any form of abuse. Many times people do not recover because they continue suffer in silence alone.

Here are few things that stood out for me based on what I have read:

  • Approximately 40+ women have come forward – I can only imagine how many are remaining silent.
  • He denies many of the allegations – One allegation is one too many.
  • He should be given a second chance – To do what?  The damage has already been done to countless number of women.
  • Anytime a person uses the term “unequivocally” –it’s means they are lying.

Here’s what I know:

Silence is not always golden: When harassment is present no one wants to be the FIRST to complain.

There is an abuse of power: Most people who bully are in positions of leadership and influence. The use of coercive power is high. This is when a person has the ability to influence another person’s decision by either threatening to take something away as punishment or taking something. I admit we will never know the full stories of any of these women, but the truth is they were afraid of losing something.

Perception can be reality: Paying a settlement to someone may not be an admission of guilt. However, the victim of any form of harassment should not be forced to deny their truth. Money does not buy peace. Peace is internal.

Reverse psychology is present: Victims of any form of harassment are made to feel guilty and tend to feel sorry for the predator.

Will these women be able to have healthy, trusting relationships?

It is time to Be the Voice and Not The Echo.

Want to continue the discussion on workplace bullying, please feel free to contact me!
Dr. Christi Monk is the founder of the Workplace Leadership Institute which helps organizations create a culture of “connectedness.” She is also the founder of The Confidence Suite which teaches women how to tap into their core value system so they are more effective, confident and productive contributors in the workplace and their communities. She received her doctoral degree in Management with an emphasis on Organizational Leadership Studies. She is certified in Conflict Resolution, Workplace Mediation, Workplace Bullying, and Change Management. Her published work is entitled Workplace Bullying – In Search of a Clearer Definition.

By Leave a Comment

You Don’t Get Unless You Ask – Women Need To Start Thinking Like Men

Dr. Christi Monk - Confidence Coach

The Power of Asking

Although women are making gigantic strides in the world, many of us still aren’t getting what we want out of our lives. Why is that?

The reason lies within ourselves: we need to be able to ask for the things we want. It’s a trait that men have mastered, and one that you need to as well. Here are some examples of ways men ask for what they want:

In the Office

Negotiating for Wages and Raises

One reason there’s still an earnings gap between the sexes is that many of us aren’t as comfortable negotiating for raises and wages as our male counterparts. A substantially higher number of men negotiate for a higher initial wage than women. These men then continue to request raises throughout their careers. Because of this, it’s estimated that many women stand to lose a half million dollars or more over the course of their careers.

Job Advancement

Women often advance at a slower rate than equally-qualified males. It’s not a matter of the quality of work – it’s about asking. Men volunteer for opportunities that make their hard work visible to management, which helps them attain the promotions they desire.

In a Relationship

This probably won’t come as a shock: men ask for what they want in relationships. Whether they’re asking for a night out with the guys, or for you to do something for them, they’ll tell you what they’re thinking. A common complaint among men is that their significant other “expects them to read her mind.”  If you want your significant other to do something around the house, or if you just need some alone time, too–ask them!

Also, without getting into the gritty details, surveys usually show that men are more satisfied with the physical aspect of their relationships than women. If there’s something you need from your partner and you’re not getting it, you need to ask.

With your Friends

Many women feel drained and put upon by certain friends. Sometimes friends ask too much of us and never seem to reciprocate. This is where thinking like men can help:

Men aren’t shy about asking their friends for favors–whether they need help moving, or even to borrow money, they’ll ask their friends directly for what they want.

The flip-side of this skill is also important:

Men also aren’t shy about turning a friend’s request down. They are willing to say “no,” or negotiate different terms for the favor–maybe they can do part of what their friend is asking them to do.

Remember: You’re Allowed to Ask!

The next time you’re unhappy with a situation, try to think of how you can use the simple power of asking to change your life. The more you ask, the more confident you’ll get, and the happier you’ll be.

Click here for more ways gain confidence!

 

XOXO,

Dr. Christi

Be Confident, Be Bold, Be You!

Dr. Christi Monk is the founder of the Workplace Leadership Institute which helps organizations build a culture of “connectedness”. She is also the founder of The Confidence Suite which teaches women how to tap into their core value system so they are more effective, confident and productive contributors in the workplace and their communities. She received her doctoral degree in Management of Organizational Leadership Studies and is certified in Conflict Resolution and Workplace Mediation. Her published work is entitled Workplace Bullying – In Search of a Clearer Definition. Dr. Monk is a certified trainer from the Workplace Bullying Institute.

By Leave a Comment

The Power of Influence and Confidence in the Workplace

Influence and Confidence

Have you ever noticed the confident woman who oozes self-esteem without appearing arrogant? She makes significant contributions at work and is a leader amongst her peers and is often the person in charge. Where does she get that confidence that allows her to influence and contribute in the workplace? Maybe she is just naturally confident and talented and someone recognized her abilities. Maybe she worked really hard to become an influencer and confident contributor in the workplace by modifying her actions and learning to recognize the cues of those around her.

As women, we face challenges that are unique, such as being perceived as the weaker sex, emotional, passive or incapable of managing men. In order to become an influencer, a woman will need to learn to think like a man and shed typical “feminine” misconceptions. Women need to exhibit confidence in our actions without utilizing tears as a defense mechanism or smileys in our emails. When you let people know you are serious through the use of professional and positive interactions, you gain influence. People see you as someone who contributes without resorting to feminine tactics. You might be wondering how you can influence people without being dominant and over-bearing. I am glad you asked.

The answer to that question is quite simple, by placing yourself on a level playing field and removing feminine obstacles. Your opinions and actions are taken more seriously as you project a confident air without overpowering others. When you ensure that your work contributions have nothing to do with pretty images, hearts and smileys (feelings), but rather demonstrate knowledge, ability and skill, you become an influencer.

Women are taken more seriously simply by utilizing positive but direct language. You should learn phrases that denigrate your worth and eliminate them from your speech. Never use the word “just” as a reason for writing. Never use the phrase, “if it’s okay with you” (unless absolutely necessary). Demonstrate your confidence in what you are writing or proposing. Don’t compromise what you believe if you are truly on point with your line of thinking. You may not always win this battle, but your core value system is all that you have. As a woman, it is not your job to give in and acquiesce. It is your job to influence and contribute to the overall success of the organization.

Recognize that you have just as much knowledge as anyone and that your opinion counts. Do not get caught up in “training” others and being passed over for the promotion. One mistake that women make is deferring to others because you are the only woman in the room. When you learn to influence through empowerment and knowledge, you contribute to the entire business. Your idea may be the one that saves the company or propels the company to the next step. When you recognize your value and worth, you gain influence in the workplace. You exhibit confidence in all of your actions and contributions without playing the damsel in distress.

Project the image you want to become. Study the people in your workplace that you believe to be influencers. What do they do? What traits can you incorporate into your own actions? Figure out what makes people respond to them and use it to contribute and influence in the workplace.

Do you know how influential you are? Take the free Influence IQ quiz at www.myinfluenceiqquiz.com.  At the end of the quiz you will receive your results and a complimentary 30-minute strategy session to determine your next steps towards becoming more influential and confident.

Xoxo,

Dr. Christi

Be Confident, Be Bold, Be You