I must say that sharing my personal journey to finding the real me has me excited! I did not realize how much I have grown over the last 5 years. I am still talking about how I was able to get revived so just bare with me. My goal is to make long stories short, but I don’t want to miss any opportunities to be transparent. So here I go…
My first step to being revived was to admit that I had a hard time saying NO. Yes, you have to be willing to accept responsibility for your own actions. Everything that happens to us is because WE ALLOW IT. So let’s keep it real. Denial will get you nowhere.
The plan and simple truth is I learned to be a performer. As I child I wanted to be an actress and a singer. Unfortunately my vocal coach never showed up so I couldn’t audition for American Idol (lol).
I realized I had been performing for a long time but had never been nominated for a Grammy or an Oscar. However, I realized I had become the best supporting actress to many people in my life both personally and professionally. I was no longer doing what I wanted to do because I put the needs of others before my own.
Let me explain what a performer is…
My personal definition of a performer is a woman who will do anything that is asked of her because she enjoys the feeling of being needed. The performer will comply or shall I say perform by dismissing what she wants and needs in order to fulfill the requests of those who depend on her or whose opinions she values. She will make others feel like she is happy to oblige their request (sounds like self-manipulation to me) but secretly wishes she could say no.
She is concerned about what saying “NO” will do to her image. Her worst fear is she would no longer be needed if she says no. This is a scary thought for her and by all means she will avoid this perception at all costs if possible.
The performer’s emotions are often overlooked because she has created a persona that she has thick skin and does not need anyone’s help. You know..she can handle it. By all means, she is super woman. She likes being able to assist others. She will not let you down, but will silently regretting it.
The caveat is those that around her do not know how she feels because if they did I truly believe they would be more sensitive to her needs. From personal experience, they really would be there for her. As the old cliché’ goes “a closed mouth doesn’t get fed.”
In her quest to be all things to all people, this type of woman has created an image for herself that she is no longer happy performing in. The performer is no longer happy to be center-stage supporting the main cast members in her life.
She now wants to give up her position and sink into the background. She would rather give the new role to her under study, but guess what. Her under study doesn’t want the part either or better yet she doesn’t have one.
Think about it: What must you do to start performing in the role that was created just for you?
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