A week or so I wrote my blog entitled The First Step To Revival – Just Say No! I was pleased to receive several emails regarding how the blog was an eye-opener to several of my readers. One of my friends shared that she often struggles with saying no. I asked her why and she said it is all about keeping the peace with people in her life. She said she just doesn’t know how to say NO! And I know many of us struggle with this too. Let’s keep it real.
Newsflash: THERE IS NOT ANY PEACE IN DOING SOMETHING THAT YOU REALLY DO NOT WANT TO DO IN THE FIRST PLACE.
Here’s her brief story: My friend has a cousin who is always offering to “give” her things (which seems heartfelt). Although my friend knows that in return she will eventually have to “return” the favor to her cousin at the most inopportune time, she still feels obligated because of the perceived acts of kindness from her cousin.
I asked my friend why does she put herself through this agony if she ALREADY knows this is her cousin’s pattern; not to mention why does she continue to say yes, when in essence, her inner person is screaming NO!!! We can all identify with her I am sure of this.
Dr. Christi’s Perspective: Here’s What I Heard
The cousin: She has a spirit of manipulation
My friend: She is a people pleaser.
The result: Frustration, resentment, and unspoken expectations.
This type of scenario typically plays out today like this…
My friend begins to avoid the phone calls or nowadays the texts from her cousin because she knows deep in her heart the outreach will always test her ability to say NO to her cousin. In her mind the safe way is to avoid her cousin all together or have a good excuse as to why she can’t help her right now.
Her cousin begins to sense that she is avoiding her. This reaction can typically turn into a Facebook post that is calling my friend out indirectly. You know the post that goes something like this:
“Some people should just say what they mean. Do unto to others as you would have them do unto to you. When people show you who they are believe them; real talk” or something like that. LOL. You have seen the posts 🙂
The tension rises between the two of them because my friend will read the post and know that it was directed towards her for being evasive although her cousin never directly addresses her. Now we have a Facebook feud going on simply because someone simply could not say NO. Regardless, neither person is being truthful about what she wants and needs.
A Time of Reflection:
How many times has saying YES (when you wanted to say NO) caused you frustration? How many times have you avoided a friend and family member’s phone calls or text because you did not want to be put in a position to say No?
What can you do to say NO without feeling guilty?
Share your comments and forward to all of your friends and family who have a hard time saying no.
Download your free 7-day challenge to Finding The Real You at www.christimonk.com