March 1 is the first day of #Women’s History Month. We will celebrate the accomplishments of women from the past, present, and future. The world may not infamously know many of us, but that does not dictate the level of power and influence we have in our environments. 2017 was a pivotal year for the voice of the woman. Women have begun to walk in their ability by using their voices to change how women are viewed and treated #globally.
I concur with #Oprah’s Golden Globe message that so eloquently highlights that women will no longer be held hostage to their truths out of fear of a man and his power. For decades women have always displayed the ability to think strategically, build key relationships, be excellent communicators, inspire others, use their passion and commitment to drive positive change, and are good at making decisions. These are just a few characteristics that can be intimidating to a man.
This article is not to male bash. The intent is to show women how much power they innately have. The real meaning of being a #powerful woman is to stand boldly in your truth. When women stand in their truth, they have full control over their lives.
How do you think women can #standintheirtruth?
I will share my thoughts tomorrow.
I am Dr. Christi Monk, an organizational leadership expert and a certified personal life coach. Welcome to my blog!!! I cannot wait to help other women transform into the women they have been predestined to be. I am so excited about my journey and assignment that I have trouble sleeping.
Like you, I was unhappy in my personal life and even more frustrated professionally. There is no feeling worse than being surrounded by people who think that you have it all together especially when they look to you for validation and clarification in their lives. Yet, I often felt alone partially because I was afraid to show my inadequacies and share what I was most fearful of (After all, I just couldn’t let the people down…lol)
After seeking coaching myself, I have been able to take the steps to do what I have been purposed to do. The funny part is that we think that certain things will be easy, but the reality is once you start taking a look at who you have become, you become sad. The good news is you should be sad because we all have let others take our God given destiny to make it fit their personal needs. You may ask why is she sharing this…First a few good women who I value dearly said to tell my story (oh and a story it is)…
Well, you guessed it, that’s how Finding The Real You was birthed. AND COACHING DOES WORK!!!
I finally took a bold stance to stop letting others define my path and worked to unravel the mistruths that I had succumbed to personally and professionally. I have been able to find the “real me” and my newfound freedom is unexplainable!!! Let me partner with you on a journey of self-discovery and transformation to finding the real you. You will be glad you did.
My question to you is: Have you ever had a moment in your life when the light bulb just clicked and you just can’t help but chuckle at the thought of you not realizing how you missed something that was right before your eyes? There have been times in my life when I simply didn’t know how I missed the obvious…
One day my pastor asked me a question that sparked this journey of self-discovery…”Christi are you whole as a single?”…. Like many of us, we think that we are ok and say to ourselves “there ain’t nothing wrong with me; it’s them, not me” (yes, I know that is grammatically incorrect but work with me here).
Oddly enough I did finally realize that there was something wrong with me. My journey as a child was to always make good grades and to be a good example for others. God forbid that I do something wrong; you would think that it was the end of the world.
Our childhood experiences begin to shape who we are as adults (good, bad, or indifferent). I was blown away by my first coaching session. Talk about self-discovery…I learned things about myself that left me speechless after the first 15 minutes of the conversation. The most frightening part of this transformation journey was having to look at my past.
That was 5 years ago which is indicative that it takes time to learn to love yourself so that you can effectively be able to be the real you. This first step to finding the real you is to REVIVE….
Webster’s dictionary describes revive as to make operative or valid again. Another great definition is to restore to life.
Each week I will share stories from my life and share with you how I found the real me. I will share the strategies I developed that helped me get unstuck so that I could experience total freedom from the life others created for me.
Stay tuned to learn how I was able to get revived…
Stop The Bullying & Start The Building: Workplace Bullying
Women are too often made the butt of the joke, the targets of unwanted contact and the victims of a toxic workplace environment. Workplace bullies take all forms and, if we let them, prevent us from reaching our ultimate potential as heroes of our careers. Are you being bullied at work? If you are, do you know your rights?
Is it really bullying?
Sometimes emotional abuse can be veiled in jokes or unrealistic demands and expectations. Workplace bullying can take the form of arbitrary deadlines, off-hand remarks, sexual harassment or unsolicited evaluations of your work quality. A boss may schedule meetings you don’t know about, demand work be completed in an unrealistic time frame or make snide jokes about your appearance. Don’t let your boss or coworker control you in this way, and don’t let the emotional strain of workplace bullying bleed into your non-working life. Take control of the situation, forget any notion that you’re complicit in mistreatment and call the situation for what it is: workplace bullying and a pathetic attempt to suppress your success. By standing up to bullies, women like Gretchen Carlson became their own champions in hostile environments by sharing their stories and outing their bullies.
Should I tell someone?
Once you recognize you’re being bullied, you should find someone you respect and trust to confide in. Not only can a trusted accomplice validate your unfair treatment, but they can also help you navigate the next steps. If possible, a good support system will include at least one coworker in addition to friends and family.
Some workplaces have a Contact Officer to address workplace harassment, bullying or discrimination. If your workplace has designated a Contact Officer, he or she will be an objective observer who understands your office environment’s protocol for dealing with bullying issues. You might also tell your supervisor. You can’t assume your supervisor is privy to the nuances of workplace politics. Once your supervisor is aware of the situation, he or she can intervene on your behalf.
If your bully is your supervisor, you may have to contact an external organization or upper levels of management with your issue. Traditionally, you would report to your supervisor’s immediate supervisor. If your workplace has a human resources department, they can handle your complaints privately and discretely. You may also choose to enlist the help of a lawyer.
WorkSafe ACT is an oversight organization to ensure your workplace handles your complaint fairly.
You have a right to have support from your workplace!
You also have the right to the emotional and psychological support you deserve while you navigate the red tape of your complaint. Workplace EAP programs can offer counselors and therapists. If you have to go outside your workplace for help, you should be reimbursed for mental health services. You also have the right to discretion and privacy.
Take control of your circumstances and your career by acknowledging you are being bullied, reporting appropriately and accessing the support you deserve!
Click Here to learn more about workplace bullying.
Be Confident, Be Bold, Be You!
Dr. Christi Monk is the founder of the Workplace Survival Institute which helps organizations build a culture of “connectedness”. She is also the founder of The Confidence Suite which teaches women how to tap into their core value system so they are more effective, confident and productive contributors in the workplace and their communities. She received her doctoral degree in Management of Organizational Leadership Studies and is certified in Conflict Resolution and Workplace Mediation. Her published work is entitled Workplace Bullying – In Search of a Clearer Definition. Dr. Monk is a certified trainer from the Workplace Bullying Institute.
Before we jump start our work week or walk in this journey called life – we all need daily reminders that we can repeat to ourselves to help build and maintain our confidence. Simple repeat these daily affirmations each day of the week and watch how your attitude about work, life and yourself changes!
7 Daily Affirmations That Will Build Your Confidence
- I acknowledge my own self-worth, my confidence is soaring.
- I am free of worry and am at peace with who I am.
- I matter. I am allowed to say no to others and yes to myself.
- I am BRAVE, CONFIDENCE, BOLD & STRONG!
- I believe in myself. I deserve to accomplish my goals.
- I trust that my intuition will lead me to the right path.
- My voice has infinite power in this world and I believe that God is here to guide and support me!
It’s time we start believing in ourselves and in our work! For more confidence tips and ways you can amplify your influence, please feel free to reach out to me and let’s talk!
Hollywood and Sexual Harassment
It has taken me a while to gather my thoughts around the recent news of Weinstein’s sexual harassment allegations. As an expert on workplace bullying, I can no longer remain silent. Sexual harassment is a form of bullying. Bullying is not just a school yard term. It is also a workplace strategy used to get reasonable people to do unreasonable things to please the boss.
I don’t know much about the entertainment industry. What I know is many people are afraid to come forward in any form of harassment for fear of retaliation. I am sure in Hollywood this means being black-balled which translates to little to no work. Weinstein wasn’t the first to get away with sexual harassment, he just got caught.
It is disturbing to know that men have experienced the same type of sexual harassment and have remained silent. This lends itself to a bigger problem – even men are afraid to speak up. Statistics show that 94% of women who are harassed do not report it. I can only imagine the percentage of men who have and are remaining silent. It can take years to undo any form of abuse. Many times people do not recover because they continue suffer in silence alone.
Here are few things that stood out for me based on what I have read:
- Approximately 40+ women have come forward – I can only imagine how many are remaining silent.
- He denies many of the allegations – One allegation is one too many.
- He should be given a second chance – To do what? The damage has already been done to countless number of women.
- Anytime a person uses the term “unequivocally” –it’s means they are lying.
Here’s what I know:
Silence is not always golden: When harassment is present no one wants to be the FIRST to complain.
There is an abuse of power: Most people who bully are in positions of leadership and influence. The use of coercive power is high. This is when a person has the ability to influence another person’s decision by either threatening to take something away as punishment or taking something. I admit we will never know the full stories of any of these women, but the truth is they were afraid of losing something.
Perception can be reality: Paying a settlement to someone may not be an admission of guilt. However, the victim of any form of harassment should not be forced to deny their truth. Money does not buy peace. Peace is internal.
Reverse psychology is present: Victims of any form of harassment are made to feel guilty and tend to feel sorry for the predator.
Will these women be able to have healthy, trusting relationships?
It is time to Be the Voice and Not The Echo.